“What we’re really doing is helping the nervous system change what it expects.”
Trauma is not just what happens. It’s what the nervous system learns to expect afterward as it goes forth in life.
A raised voice. A kind face. A metal pole. A church bell. The body links these cues in the neural networks, and the intensity of the emotional charge assigns them meaning.
This feels dangerous.
This feels shameful.
This feels unsafe.
Over time, these predictions become the projected reality. Even if the environment changes, the nervous system holds its stance: protective, contracted, on alert. It becomes less about what is, and more about what was.
Sometimes, it takes hitting your head on the same pole—twice—to realize the world might not be as dangerous as it once was.
The Quiet Power of EMDR Therapy
This is where EMDR does its quiet work.
By activating the neural networks that went offline during the touchstone or prior events, EMDR gives the system another chance to reconnect and integrate—this time with support, with Presence, with enough emotional regulation to stay with what arises.
We’re allowing the nervous system to change its predictability. To know, even prior to thought: Maybe tension doesn’t need to arise when someone smiles. Maybe this moment is different.
Therapists as Co-Regulators
We experience this too, as therapists. We come in with our own predictive patterns or countertransference—how therapy should go, how clients should respond. But over time, we learn to meet what’s happening now, not what the mind is predicting.
It’s a co-regulated dance. Two systems, linked by mirror neurons, becoming one, learning to trust.
Healing Through Presence
When predictability shifts, life feels less like something to defend against and more like something to meet.
To be with.
To live.
To flow.
~ Jordan Shafer/nmm